Blake and I spent the weekend back at home in Massachusetts, unpacking Christmas gifts, visiting with Melissa and Dave and eating Chipotle.

On the ride there and back, I had time to make my list of resolutions for the new year...
1. No fried food.
2. Work out at least 4 times a week.
3. Stop stressing out about little things.
4. Spend more money on activities than on materials.
5. Shop organic.
6. Limit artificial sugars.
7. Graduate (3 classes to go!)
8. Find a job.

And #8 is the tough one. The one that left me pacing the living room in prayer at midnight. The one that has me creating binders and resumes and cover letters and writing samples. And it's already pushing me over the edge of #3. Every day, the reality of a future beyond college becomes more confrontational. Every day there are more questions and more fears that come knocking on the door of my stability and comfort.

I'm not afraid that God will bring me through it. I'm afraid that he won't bring me to something that will challenge me, that will make me realize my potential and utilize my passions. I'm afraid that God has given me a passion that He might leave unfulfilled, not because He's a God that delights in my pain, but because He's a God that knows a bigger picture. I fear any disappointment that might come before the blessings of trusting Him.

But, in the words of one of my wise, wonderful friends: God has kissed me with a promise. He knows me better than I know myself, and won't leave me - even in the middle of the night when I can't sleep.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14

Along the road, I'll keep doing everything I can. Most recently on my checklist: find work clothes.

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