In 38, I will move to New York City.
In 40, I will have been married one year.
In 45, I will turn twenty-two.
Growing up, I always felt like I would know who I was by now.
That I would know the ins and outs of my character like I know the feel of my
husband’s hand in mine. That I would sense my changing emotions like bends on a
well-traveled road. That I would remain steadily myself in the midst of varying
crowds. That I would have the confidence to recognize accomplishments when I’ve
made them, and measure the failures that have seen me to this point.
And some of this is true. Some days - days like today,
especially - when the sky has not yet decided whether it wants to rain and I am
inside, warm and alone, I feel that I know myself well enough to write about
it. To be able to look up my name in a dictionary and be familiar with the
definition that comes attached.
But I find that that definition so often becomes clouded by
the various roles that I have taken on. I am not the sweet, silent type.
I am not the funny one, the confident one, the awkward one. I am not
solely organized, clean, carefree or motivated. I am all of these things and
not one of them. I am beginning to realize that people are people, and not
things – that they are complicated and mysterious even to themselves.
At this point, I suppose all we can truly know is the kind
of people we want to be, not the boxes that we have been in.
I want to be the kind of woman who takes the long way home,
because the trees are blooming along that route.
I want to be the kind of woman who wears high heels in the
rain.
I want to be the kind of woman who keeps up with her
friends, no matter how far away they live.
I want to be the kind of woman who smiles at strangers and
says “hello”.
I want to be the kind of woman who has beautiful dreams,
dresses up regularly, and reads poetry daily.
I want to be the kind of woman who gracefully handles
change.
I want to be the kind of woman who asks questions and
embraces challenges.
I want to be the kind of woman who writes love
letters.
I want to be the kind of woman who is always learning and taking risks.
I want to be the kind of woman who whispers, and giggles,
and screams and cries just because life is short and wonderful.
That post was beautiful! Time goes by so fast live every minute of it to the fullest. God Bless!
ReplyDeleteI am your newest follower on GFC. I am also following you via fab friends blog hop.
Please follow me.
http://itsabouttimemamaw.blogspot.com/
You are not yet 22!!!
ReplyDeleteYour writing is very impressive. And very funny.
love.
xo
babymama
k...I'm done for now. :0