7/14/11

One Reason to Go Home.

I spend a good deal of my time riding public transportation. Up and down Lexington, across Midtown, to the bottom of this overcrowded island and back again. And I don't mind it, for the most part. I prefer the subway to the bus, but I'll take either - as long as I have a book and an iPod along for the journey.

I like my solitude, my time to think about where I've come from and where I'm going. I like the gentle sway of stopping and going, doors closing and opening. I like observing other New Yorkers, tourists, foreigners, school children, businessmen, babies as they rest on their mother's arms. It often amuses me to watch people in a hurry - racing to catch a train that will only be followed in a few minutes by another. I love being surrounded by other bodies with places to go, purposeful directions and differing lives.
Last time I was living in the city, I got used to being alone. I slept alone, ate alone, went on runs in the park alone and traveled from place to place with my solitary reasons. And though my time spent on public transportation made me very much a part of the crowd, I remember it as the loneliest part of my day. This week, with husband in Connecticut, I am back in that place. By the end of the day, I hunger for human connection - more than that of a brushed elbow or accidental eye contact.

And so when I was asked today if I would spend the rest of my life in New York City, I could only answer "maybe". Because, for as many reasons as I have to love this beautiful city, there is one that keeps me from breaking all ties to suburban life.
I miss the familiar, comfortable connection that I have with my family. And they are more than worth the two hour Metro-North ride "home".

12 comments:

  1. These are all the things I think about when I am in the city as well. I love getting into that groove in NY, and watching observing, and going. But I can only do it in small quantities.. I wish I could live like that full on.

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  2. Stevie Leigh, this is such a well written and thought out post! i've felt that alone-ness when surrounded by a whirl of people too. you really broke it down, major kudos lades. i sure hope your handsome one returns to you soon for some missed connection catch-ups.

    you bloom where you're planted but i've lived away from home too and it's sometimes bittersweet. i wish you many blessings for time, intention and action to come about where you feel in the right place at the right time. peaceful home fires that burn bright is what!

    okay and you have to have the most darling love story of them all! i was having such a great read about it and good for you girl, break those rules! it's sometimes a necessity! the twizzler assemblage blew my mind with goodness, what a guy you've got there!!! and he's SO tall too, you are like the tiniest lil' thing next to him. my boyf is quite a bit taller than me too, i really love being in his nook, so protected and all. thanks a bunch for your visit, your blog is 100% adored, as are YOU! ♥

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  3. What a beautiful, insightful post! When I lived in Virginia and commuted into DC I felt the EXACT same way you described that you felt on your commute. I was content in my solitude and enjoyed watching the others around me, wondering what their stories were.

    I hope you find that sense and feeling of home again. It's funny how it just can't be "created" in all places. I can definitely relate to that. That familiar, comfortable connection... I miss it, too.

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  4. I loved this post, and the photographs. We are moving to the south next month, and it's going to be so hard to be so far away from family.

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  5. Your blog is so lovely.
    Such a sweet nature spills from you posts. The images are also eye pleasing! Hugs!


    sweetness xx
    hope to hear from you*!
    amyflyingakite.com

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  6. beautiful blog...beautiful photos. :)

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  7. love this post. I think everyone is having an "i miss home" moment right now. I know I am.

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  8. I live about a 24 hour drive away from what I used to call "home" and where my parents still live. While I won't be making that trek on a regular basis, it is certainly worth the hour commute each way for me to live where I live now. I used to tour around the area where I work now and it just didn't "feel" right. Some things just trump saving time from your commute. Honestly, I do love my "me" time on the commute - even though I'm actively driving and not just sitting I get so much good thinking in while I jam out to tunes.

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  9. Such a beautiful post! I know exactly what you mean.

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  10. Thank you all for these beautiful words! I am so wonderfully blessed.

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  11. Yeah, I'm definitely a small town girl (living in a lonely world). I love to visit big cities (and I live in a metropolitan area now) but I miss really getting to know my neighbors and being on first name basis with the person at the grocery store and the coffee shop...I always try to make eye contact with people on the bus and I think it weirds people out! Lol.

    This was really beautifully written, too.

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  12. i never thought i'd miss home as much as i do.

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